| |
| |
|
Part AA
The stuff that usually
goes in the front of a book:
Introduction
Order or Disorder?
True or False?
Dedications & Thank You's
Etc. |
Chapter List
Chapter 1: Love can kill
Chapter 2: Runaway
Chapter 3: Cat Woman
Chapter 4: Freedom for the Phantom Schmuck
Chapter 5: What’s a nice word for
“fart?”
Chapter 6: You can't always get
what you want, or what the doctor ordered
Chapter 7:
Of course teachers lie.
They're human.
Chapter 8: Of course cops lie.
They're human.
Chapter 9: Maybe grandsons are
interchangeable
Chapter 10: An un-authorized
elevator operator |
Chapter 11: Unhealthy
Chapter 12: How can a free Laserdisc cost $10,000?
Chapter 13: How can a free dog cost $100,000?
Chapter 14: Drugging Miss Daisy
Chapter 15: Fish dicks for lunch
Chapter 16: Not the Phonophonophenelescope
Chapter 17: Wet your pants and beat
up your friends
Chapter 18: My one cool teacher |
Chapter 19: Irreparable typing,
irremediable reading
Chapter 20: Grandma, the lesbian painter, and arroz con
caca
Chapter 21: Spooky Story
Chapter 22: The last girl on
Earth
Chapter 23: Do you really want to
know what goes into the world’s greatest cole slaw?
Chapter 24: French, Fried
Chapter 25: Fearing Mother Nature, and seeing the beauty
in pup poop |
Chapter 26, section 1
SILENT NIGHT: Steel, sex, drugs, rock & roll,
food and murder |
Chapter 26, section 2
SILENT NIGHT: Steel, sex, drugs, rock & roll,
food and murder |
Chapter 26, section 3
SILENT NIGHT: Steel, sex, drugs, rock & roll,
food and murder |
Chapter 26, section 4
SILENT NIGHT: Steel, sex, drugs, rock & roll,
food and murder |
Chapter 26, section 5
SILENT NIGHT: Steel, sex, drugs, rock & roll,
food and murder |
Chapter 27:
My career as a beard, and a profit center
Chapter 28: Losing business from the gay matzo maker
Chapter 29: What the blind man
could see
Chapter 30: What came first, the chicken or the
driver's license?
Chapter 31: Spiderman meets Paul
Newman
Chapter 32:
Marcia,
the giant penguin, and the exploding belly
Chapter 33: What a putz!
|
Chapter 34: Vinnie's water closet
Chapter 35: Always a wiseass
Chapter 36: I swear it’s true, but
if you saw it in a movie, you’d yell “BULLSHIT”
Chapter 37: 3M and the non-moving image
Chapter 38: Where are all the fat mommies?
Chapter 39: Wow, I’m an assistant
editor. Oh shit, the editor is a back-stabbing thief.
Chapter 40:
First job, last drunk
Chapter 41: OK, so maybe baseball isn't child abuse |
Chapter 42: Fired, hired, fired, hired, fired
Chapter 43: How Rolling Stone got screwed by Screw, and almost
screwed me
Chapter 44: Three in a bed, sort of
Chapter 45: Three in a bed, for real
(THE DIRTY CHAPTER)
Chapter 46:
On
second thought, maybe we will hire you, if you’ll cut off your penis
Chapter 47: A platinum card is just as good as Medicare
Chapter 48: Maybe I don't know as much as a caveman
|
Chapter 49: What's worse, mom and dad, or moo-goo-gai-pan?
Chapter 50: What's more important, your mind or your
teeth?
Chapter 51: His greatest headline
Chapter 52: Even Connecticut has hillbillies
Chapter 53: And so does Pennsylvania, but why is their town named after the capital of
Libya?
Chapter 54:
Stalactite spaghetti
Chapter 55: Cat lasagna
Chapter 56:
I hope
Mom doesn't read this
Chapter 57:
So Dad,
who's fault it is?
Chapter 58:
The inside scoop on journalism
Chapter 59: I was so bored, I learned how to bet, and I won
Chapter 60: The return of Daddy
Demon |
Chapter 61: My 200-minute battle with Bill
Gates
Chapter 62: They don't need a telephone man, they need a
psychiatrist
Chapter 63: For the birds
Chapter 64: The lawyer was a liar
Chapter 65: I lost the trial but won the case
Chapter 66: But when is the trial?
Chapter 67: What does "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" mean?
Chapter 68: What is the secret of life?
Chapter 69: The beep line |
What readers say
"I loved the 3-way sex scene. It
seemed familiar. Was I there?"
N.
"I laughed my ass off."
J.
"I worked with you in 1972. Your memory is amazing."
W.
"Thanks for making me laugh."
P.
"I think I knew the lesbian
painter. When does the movie come out?"
L.
"I'm glad you didn't see me doing
anything bad in school."
G.
"Obviously your typing class
accomplished something useful. You almost made me pee in my pants.
Thanks for taking me back to school. Very, very funny." B.
"You're a terrific story
teller. This is much better than
class reunions."
L.
"A
great piece of writing! I was laughing out loud throughout."
E.
"Reminded me of Carson
McCullers' writing. You are very talented."
D.
|
-
I really appreciate the emails I've
gotten from old friends I re-connected with on Classmates.com, Reunion.com and Facebook. You've been
stimulating me to remember more and write more. I've known some of
you for more than 50 years, and old friends are the best friends.
Thanks.
|
|
|
|
